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So, how should you respond to what your son told you? Respectfully and in as cool-headed and non-reactive a way possible. Ask for forgiveness and the chance to start over. Before moving ahead, surround yourself with support — a pastor, a licensed counselor, a mentor, or a small group of understanding friends. Also, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page.
You might even feel that you need to question or re-examine your own beliefs about homosexuality. Reviewing your convictions is a smart step as you think about what the Lord is asking of you. Turn to well-informed sources who follow the full counsel of Scripture the character of God and the larger picture of the whole Bible. The titles listed below are a great starting point.
Honest questioning can confirm and solidify your beliefs. We all have room to learn and grow. You might say,. If he agrees, keep your focus on two overarching goals:. Make every effort to connect with him at the heart level. As the conversation moves forward, use first-person words — I and we — instead of you -based language, which can easily be heard as controlling, directive, blaming, shaming, scolding, or self-righteous.
You could say,. Assure him of your love — your continuing, unconditional love.
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Affirm your child in your unconditional love for him. Let him know you care — whatever he struggles with. There is deep healing in receiving love and affirmation from you. God loves us unconditionally, but He also cares deeply about what we do, what we say, and how we view ourselves. Either way, remember your goals of maintaining the relationship and maintaining godly influence. Affirm, connect, and assure him of your love over and over again.
Is it OK if we ask a few questions? The discovery phase could last for an extended time — weeks, maybe even months. Be gracious with yourselves. The best choice for getting input would be from a trained Christian counselor. Make sure that the counselor follows a biblical sexual ethic and is compassionate, understanding, and experienced in addressing issues surrounding same-sex attractions.
Feelings of shame will only increase defensiveness or add to feelings of self-loathing or depression that sometimes come with this struggle. Say something like,. You owe it to yourself to shut out all the cultural and political noise on this subject and take a close and careful look at your options.
Point out that experimentation, like labeling, tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy when something comes true just because someone believes it and their behavior lines up with those beliefs. Offer your heart and what you believe to be wise.